The Lake Pontchartrain Basin Nuclear Test Range

Brad Pitt and Global Green want a C-note as an entry fee for designing a sustainable neighborhood so that won't be happening in my spare time. Besides, I am thinking the best thing for the City's sustainability right now would involve the development of the Lake Pontchartrain Basin Nuclear Testing Range. I envision enormous amounts of spending that will provide for numerous types of tactical nukes being detonated in and around the City. Most will fail, and locals will call them shoo shoos just like misfired bottle rockets. Everyone will blame our leaders for the shoo shoos and assign them the blame for inhibiting New Orleans ability to becoming the finest Nuclear Test Range in the world. Faced with our dreams of being the premier irradiated wasteland slipping away, no one will suggest or consider redeveloping and modernizing the port that was the largest port on earth for the better part of 300 years dating back to a time when we built our homes on high ground. To punish our leaders for allowing our dreams to be squandered yet again, we will lift the ban on term limits and begin re-electing them to force them to lead us until they get it right. The ones that detonate will give off spectacular mushroom plumes that will be immediately followed by unscathed jobless New Orleanians returning to their stoops to watch the parade of silly men in silly outfits roam their City.

In the aftermath, the world will watch as the media reports of all forms of life being exterminated except for a group that will be limited to humans born within a zip code that begins with 7-0 along with mosquitoes, roaches and azaleas. Science will not be able to offer an explanation for their survival but will note that the surviving alligators are more aggressive than before the bombs exploded.

When asked why they think that they survived the atomic apocalypse, groups of locals will immediately change the conversation to the racist nature of the federal government's invasion of Bill Jefferson's congressional offices and note that it is perfectly normal for "a man of color" to have $90,000 wrapped in foil and stuffed in used Popcicle boxes in his freezer because of the banks being controlled by white jews. "Homey don't trust no Israelites!"

If only Congressman Jefferson had stuffed the money in Fudcicle boxes, my spiritual world would have found balance, zen even!